Here and Now

I thought about starting off with a grand introduction, a sort of who's who of pen and chatter. There's the absent-minded professor husband, growin' bump, polar opposite parents, foreign in-laws, and a smattering of people crazy enough to continue to want to listen to my chatter and call themselves friend. These could all make great posts, but I've got a more imminent problem. A here and now concern.

I'm stuck in the couch.

Not like a "I've- lost- the- will- to- get- up -and -move- off -my- couch- and- haven't- showered- in- 15- days" type of thing. Its more of a literal "my- butt- has- sunk -in- betwixt- two -cushions- and -I -don't- have the- strength- to- extract- it" type of thing. I've been waiting for this type of occurrence as a sort of inevitable since the onset of my pregnancy. I've been inundated with images of smiling women sporting nothing less than soccer balls in their mid -regions since my first log in on a baby website. The images have followed me through weekly updates, registry lists, and the daunting task of purchasing new undergarments. The jig is up- I've now become one of these women, hopelessly beached on my own living room furniture unable to relocate myself.

Completely unmotivated to try to advance my situation (I've already tried rocking back and forth much like a turtle caught on its back), instead I've opted to fantasize about starting my own couch country where I will serve as the ultimate dictator.

First order of business, force the townspeople to bring me dessert...and a bedpan.